What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
