well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
