Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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