Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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