they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
