I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
