I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am available for nakedness
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
