Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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