TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
