Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
