I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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