DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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