when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
