I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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