Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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