the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
