...so i touched it.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
love makes seman taste better
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
