You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
