kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
