I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
