At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
