We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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