I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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