Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
