I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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