I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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