i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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