I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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