Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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