you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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