Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
