dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
