i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
