How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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