he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
