Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the day after is always just damage control
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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