i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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