that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
