Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
