worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
