32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
