party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just want to make out with him forever
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
