I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
