cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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