I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
