Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
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