If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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