I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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