I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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