You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
