well I can't set my house on fire every night
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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